Losing the Crown

Pulling into the student parking I feel everyone's eyes on my car. Today is not going to be the day I had planned out in my head. I had wanted to hold Jake's hand, design a different shelf organizations in my locker, sleep during study hall, and laugh all throughout the perfect day to my junior year. Now I'll be getting attention from stares of wonder, instead of stares of jealousy. Sadly I didn't know which I'd rather have. I have always liked being popular and one of the prettier girls in school, I mean who wouldn't. I am also one of the few girls who actually studies and focuses on more than my outer beauty, didn't mean I'm not thankful for the outer part.

"Hey?" Jake's voice pulls me into focus. His face is soft and questioning my thoughts.

"Let's face the music," I smile and double squeeze his hand before I release it to climb out. I'm still wondering what the news is saying about my grandfather, but I feel I can get through the day better if I read it when I get home. I will have more time to process what lies are being rewritten. I step out of my car and inwardly roll my eyes just thinking of the bull.

"Good thing you're used to attention, Bethany." Rebecca really could be annoying sometimes.

"Yes, thank heavens," I can't keep the irritation out of my voice. So funny let's pick on the girl's family who lost a loved one. People sometimes were so heartless and judgmental. Disguising is what it is.

"How about we drop it? I mean today is beautiful and we're young." Jake meets me at the back as I grab my bag. Slips his hand on the small of my back and kisses my hair. "Who cares what others think? Really? We have own thoughts and if you don't let this bother you, you'll still come out on top. I know you'll handle today with grace-just like everything else." I smile knowing his right, well sort of. He obviously did not know I am a 16-year old girl and my emotions are as unstable as a house of cards. I'm just waiting on my wind storm. But I'll let him have his fun and try to make him proud as I move throughout the day.

"Are you kidding what they think is everything." Rebecca points to the school as we walk towards the 3 level brick building. 

"Leave it to Becca to throw shade anyone's way."

"I guess that's why you're still the most popular girl in school, you just don't care." I try to ignore her last comment. I know she's right, but if I'm so popular and my secret is easy why isn't everyone popular. I have become to hate the words. A word that describes a person's place in school, society. Why is it so powerful? Shouldn't someone's worth come down to their personality? I should be judged on how I interact with other's no matter if they can help me, hurt me, or do nothing for me. 

"Superficial answer," I mutter as we step onto the side walk and continue up the stairs to the doors to enter the knowledge High School could bring.

"Maxwell High, how does it feel to be a Senior Becca?" Jake's tone is condescending, I know he's about to be a smartass. I place my finger nail in my teeth to stop my cat's smile.

"Great, knowing this is my last first day in this place is wonderful." She is lighting up with pride of knowing she's almost free while we have two more years.

"Even more great knowing you road with Juniors to your Senior year?"  

"You're such a prick, Jake." Her face turns down as she places her hands on either side of her hips making her seem as if she were a 3-year-old throwing a fit in Wal-Mart.

"I thought so. Let's go princess we have growing up to do." He leads me up the stairs to the second floor where our lockers are. Leaving Rebecca down with the freshman, she can walk to the third floor alone. Our school is huge but small all at the same time. Our town is so small that the High School that was built more than a century ago can still be used. The story is always so weird to me. Apparently back in the early 1900s a Knight, Joe Maxwell ran off with a small armory after the leader of his town declared him not fit to marry his daughter. The books test that 25 men left a town in Florida and moved this far. He built Jackson with 25 men, 16 women, and about 70 children. The town is said to have don extremely well on their own. Though apparently just a few short years later Maxwell went missing. I have my theories, but not that history always makes the headlines when someone else is murdered. All because a man built our town on disobeying a father's wishes, now our town's punishment is a high murder rate. Though it was an on going joke a few years back that Maxwell himself was in fact the murderer.

"Babe? Did you hear me?"

"I'm sorry what?"

"Where do you go when you zone out?"

"No where, I mean I was just thinking about a few years ago when they joked about Maxwell being the killer."

"I wouldn't know about that." He puts his notebooks for after lunch inside his locker. I think he feels so type of way about not growing up here. Most of us all feel connected in a way, probably because we were all born inside the murderous town.

"I'm sorry. We have a lot of clip outs at home. I kept a script book. I'll share them with you tonight." I smile and place my hand on his shoulder, pulling myself on my toes to kiss his cheek.

"You don't have to," his low voice shuttered my heart. Jake's one of the sweetest, strongest guys I've ever met. Him feeling left out makes me always want to dig into his past but I shove the emotion under a dirty rug quickly. I return to putting my notebooks away to, shutting my locker door.

"No baby, I want to. I love sharing everything with you." I lean against my closed locker and wink as he shuts his locker.

"Okay if you insist." He lets a smile share space on his face.

"You're cute when you pout though." I poke my fingers at him making him laugh and softly smack me away.

"Awe aren't you guys just the cutest couple there ever was?!" Brad coos as he and Lemon approach us.

"Yes they are, I vote ruler of all." Lemon's small voice chimes in. We all laugh. 

"Everyone wants to be a smartass today." I shoot back. We all start down the hall towards homeroom.

"Wait who else is taking our place as lead?" Brad aims his arms in front of us stopping our pace.

"You'll never guess which senior needed a ride to school today because her Lexus is in the shop....again?" I roll my eyes with enough over exaggeration to make my eyes temperately white.

"Rebecca?!" His question and answer makes his face turn up as if he were smelling something bad.

"I heard her parents haven't paid taxes in some odd number of years." Lemon always has the downlow on all the town's gossip. Her mom writes the gossip column so she knew everyone along with their business, some truth mostly lies. The tax I actually believe. Rebecca hasn't had her car in months. All summer she stayed in. Took Lemon pointing gossip or the truth out to make me realize Rebecca's summer must have been lonely and scary. I wonder what her future will hold now...

"How was New York Brad I feel as if you took some terms home with you." I hint towards his phase of you guys over y'all. 

"It was so so, nothing like being back in the South." He tries to add some southern accent over top of his Yankee tones. It's always funny when he comes home from visiting his family up North. He brings all the different parts down South. "No sweet tea blew though!"

I slowly stop listening as he talks about the train rides and getting lost. We are getting to the end of the hallway and I have noticed everyone's eyes on me. It's like a bad dream, the one where you're walking to have to give a speech and you look down and you're still in your P.J.'s. Yeah that one. I feel my blood boiling, who are they to look and throw judgment. I really hate opinions and the past.

"Baby, stop, they are looking like always because you're beautiful."

"No, I see what you're doing and stop. Their looks are deeper than my appearance." I cut my eyes at Jake. As Brad stops talking and switches views to join our conversation.

"She's right, everyone would love to see the princess of all the land fall." Brad's tone echoes such truths I'd really like to punch.

"Okay let's just change the subject. Here's my class, see y'all after." I duck in quickly leaving Jake's lips empty. I feel bad but I am overwhelmed and I don't know where this path is leading. Brad is right though, it only takes one big event to change the tides and me lose my crown. I know I don't like being popular for the wrong reasons, but I am shallow at times. I don't know what I would do without being in control or in charge of the in crowd. Of course I'm not really sure when I became the main girl to go to or when my opinion meant the most but I know I'm not ready to know what to do without it. I walk to the back and take my seat, pulling out my notebook and pen. Flipping out the book for Chemistry that will be mine for the semester. My used but new to me book. Just like people, no one is brand new.

"Hi Bethany." Jamie calls as she skips to the seat next to me.

"Hi." Jamie has been a friend since junior high, pretty long brown hair with darker eyes. She is probably the nicest girl anyone could meet. She always seems so carefree, more like Lemon than me. I would give anything to feel as they do. 

"I'm sorry about all this mishap with the news." Her lips spilt different ways, trying to let her soft voice not be the only sympathy. I smile knowing she's sincere.

"Thanks, I just can't believe it still makes the news." As class comes to a pull, I collect my thoughts. Seriously why does it always make it into the news. Maybe I should have a stop by the station after school, maybe skip cheerleading. They would understand. I have to find out what they know that I don't. Because neither one of my parents knew my name anymore, much less what I want or need to know.