Ghost's Past

"Well, uh," my mouth goes completely dry. I feel as if I may pass out. I only remember once feeling like this, as s freshman and cheerleading names were called out over the intercom at school. I was sitting down for that, standing up and facing his stern beautiful face is giving my knees a jello emotion. "I- I'm going to sit down." I state as I turn and walk in a daze motion to the edge of my bed.

"Seriously Bethany? I just want the truth and that doesn't take a long time to spit out. I don't like games so if you're hiding something we can end this." His words are cold and I feel a wall between us. Would he really be able to leave me? I don't think I could ever see myself leaving him. Struggling though with him leaving me for hiding this or telling the truth. I may be alone either way.

"You could really leave me?" I don't know why I'm asking, I doubt I could face his truth of an answer. He sighs and his face relaxes. He sits down on the bed beside me looking at my fluffy beige carpet. 

"Honestly, yes Bethany." Tears flood my eyes instantly, my throat burns from the pain in my chest. He looks at me in my blurry vision. "Not because I don't really love, but because if you're keeping secrets you couldn't possible love me. You're my best friend. I trust you with everything - I only want the same respect from you." His sharp honesty cut deep. I felt warm blood racing throughout my body to keep it from melting into my bed. He does love me and respect me. I'm his best friend, after a horrible day those three words; his best friend, were everything to me. I guess here goes nothing-

"I guess I just wanted information, and he was the only one I thought of. I know it was wrong to lie- I didn't mean to be secretive."

"But you did, or else you would have told me. Bethany when a person lies, if it's not for a good surprise it's because they know it is wrong, and the lie is in place as a scapegoat of another person's feelings."

  "Huh?"

"Okay, you lied to me because you didn't know me getting upset about you going to talk to Chase alone. Why?" 

"I didn't want you thinking I was crazy because I don't know anything about the case against my grandfather and why his name is always brought up. I don't know what links the murders to my bloodline."

"Bethany." I shift under his glare as my vision turns to clear. My fingers are dancing with each other in my lap. He places his hand over both mine to steady me. I relax me shoulders.

"And I didn't want a fight of who I had to collect the information from."

"Ah the truth, feel better?" 

"No, I still feel bitter about the news and that I came home without information. Now even worse because you found out I went anyway and it was a waste of my time."

"Next time don't lie, or do something you know would hurt me or piss me off. You know I hate Chase and he'll give you enough information to run back to him next time a story about your family leaks. 

"He didn't give me any information though," I feel my tone shaking as I'm getting angry he isn't understanding my point. As I feel his point lash out through he sharp stare I open my mouth to refresh the conversation. "But I understand what you mean Jake, I won't lie again, nor go behind your back. 

"Thank you," he smiles and rubs his thumb softly over the back of my hands. "I want to help with your problems too, what's yours is mine. We work as a team." He leans over and kisses me, moving his hand from mine to my thigh. I instinctively bring my hands to wrap around his neck, keeping his lips on mine as we deepen the kiss. All of the day's troubles fades into the dark part of my mind as all I want right now is to kiss Jake until it's a new day.

Two weeks later

 I stare at the clock behind Ms. Brown's blond short hair as she talks about the structure of a sentence. All I can think is 20 more minutes left of this incredibly long Friday. Cheerleading has been cancelled due to the bonfire or the start to football season. Although cheerleading, Dad's office, Jake's arms, and sleep felt like the only few events my life has consisted of since school began. I haven't found anything useful at Dad's office, there's only boring traffic tickets, trespassing, mail box smashing, and prenatal agreements forms I file. Answering the phone for appointments and hours, the fun ones are the directions- like are you not from here? Because we are in the heart of Jackson County, right in front of the courthouse in the square, which anyone who lives in 100 mile radius is aware of our location. But who am to judge? I hand over the address and directions, telling them politely to call back if need be. 

I'm mainly ready to have time by myself in the office or given more responsibility. I know Dad knows something about why the news stories continue digging into our family. Jake hasn't brought anything up since our talk. I think he knows I'm still trying to find answers, but now the topic just sits in the room as a ghost. Not because he doesn't trust me, or that I don't want to share my quest with him, but sometimes some events need to be done on your own. This is the case in this subject. I don't want to open up and share my past just yet. He respects that, I think, I mean why shouldn't he? He hasn't told me jack about Cali and his past. It's that feeling we both probably have of fear of the truth. As soon as it's said out loud and pictures are painted of reality in our heads it's hard to steer a future without the old paint soaking through. At least that's my fear, I don't see Jake as a kid of a young teen with friends or girls - I get sick, I don't understand the feeling or know where to put it; so I pretend this is the only time he's had in life and it gets me by.

The bell rings and I pop up. My skin is screaming with pulses. I wasn't prepared for the bell. My mind isn't being my friend lately, and they always say your thoughts make you sane or crazy. I'm afraid of the direction I'm heading in. Bending over I pick up my back pack and shove my books and notebook inside. Slinging it over my shoulder I merge into the crowds of the hallway. I don't know how I'll make it through the night of the bonfire. I know I'm supposed to be enjoying life, I'm young, rich, have great friends and a hot boyfriend. But the weights of the past are heavy and the ties to cut is a thick cable. 

"What's happening sweet Betherz?" Lemon pops up as I open my locker.

"You know I hate that name." I feel my voice even and lifeless, about how my motions are seeming as I put my books from my locker into my back for the weekend of hopefully catching up on homework. As lame as my life sounds, I feel like my only hope for a normal future is getting out of the state of Georgia. 

"Yeah but you usually smile when someone says it. So it's like you hate it publicly but secretively you love it." She smirks her thin lips at me, knowing my thoughts. I think the odd meaning behind nick names are a good omen. People like you enough to give you a name that's all yours, and I am lucky enough to at least have sweet in front of it. 

"So how did Karen take the news of not getting on the Varsity Cheerleading Squad?" I shut my locker and face Lemon's ghost face full of happiness. Her smirk turns into a soft smile, and she pushes her thin long blond hair off her face. Her green eyes lightly looking into mine hoping I'm not becoming depressed I'm sure. Though she saves me a lot of the time, she's the one who seriously would be lost without me. I know this, and it scares me. To have so much power over other people - and I don't say that out of cockiness, it's just how some rules are taken on. I just happen to hide my thoughts with being as happy on the outside as I possible can be. 

"Well she's been quiet today, but you warned her. It's nothing against her. She's a freshman. Plus it's just cheerleading - not the end of the world." We walk towards the middle of the hallway to meet the guys at the staircase. 

"You're right, I just hate crushing dreams. I remember what it was like to be a freshman and feeling like that was my only hope to being anyone in my high school days."

"Quite truth sweet Betherz, however, it's not a tragedy, just cheerleading." We stop at the edge of the wall right before the turn to head down the center staircase. I laugh as Lemon jokes as she always does about cheerleading. It's just another plan to demeanor women and keep them as sex symbols. The point of the humor is she's a cheerleader, one of the best we have actually. 

"Have we ever beat them before?" Change of subject I feel is needed and point the conversation elsewhere.

"No, that must be a good sign for a wonderful night." She smiles heavily at me. We have a giggle session as we wave at some groups who yell heys and goodbyes, see you tonights as most classmates hurry out to the freedom of the weekend. 10 minutes pass and we are still just hanging out, starting to feel like losers being stood up.

"Finally, dude where have you been?" I ask as Brad walks up from the opposite end of staircase hallway.

"Just got held after class for some dumbass reason." Something seems off. 

"What reason?" I quiz the truth.

"Because I answers a question wrong." his voice is even and he doesn't look at me. His feet are apparently better looking.

"Brad!"

"Fine, I just went looking for Jake."

"Jake? What do you mean looking for him?"

"What else would I mean. If you're looking for someone it usually almost always means you can't find them."

"Okay smartass." Lemon takes the words out of my mouth, as I can't find any. Where would Jake be. I'm just confused and in shock. I've never not known where Jake's location was - is this my punishment for the other week, I oddly wonder to myself.

"Okay, so did he just leave class from a bathroom break and not return or did he go hoe early?" I say as loud as I can but only voices as a whisper.

"He was called out of class, he returned a few minutes later with a white face, gets his things and leaves. Ms. Brooklyn kept asking where he was going and he didn't answer."

"Wow that could get him kicked off the football team." Lemon's face is even, without emotion and I can't even imagine what mine looks like as I wonder what could be more important than football. We have a plan to get out of Georgia, and while he has money - he always talks about not using his parents money. Therefore football is all the hope we have for him. I can't catch my breath, it's like there's an elephant sitting on my chest. I grab my sides and bend slightly over trying to hold my breaking faith together.

"Bethany?" Brad touches my shoulder, "we will figure out what's going on. I'm sure Ms. Brooklyn won't turn him in. She kept looking for him to return. She's probably just as worried." As he keeps talking I quit listening and pull my phone out of my back pocket. It's only a screen of us. We are smiling at each other with an ocean behind us. Now all I can think is I'm as clueless about where or what could be going on as I was about what laid beneath the ocean behind us that day. Secrets are funny that way, when it's so easy for me to keep, why wouldn't it be easy for someone else to keep them. Now I know how he felt two weeks ago. My thoughts run wild, and one runs to Jake investigating my family's past on his own. I don't feel my legs any longer and Brad's hands are on my waist guiding my to the ground. I can't get a grip, I just see blurry movements. If Jake is in any trouble and it's my fault I'll never be able to forgive myself. And let's face it I've never really forgiven myself for Cameron. How does one come back from two tragic events when they haven't even fully gotten over the first?